Thirtysomethings Part III

Today is 30 places I'd like to visit before I die.  I'm trying to think of specific places, as opposed to a general country/area, but some will be general because I can't think of anything there I DON'T want to see.

1. Italy.  All of it.
2. Boston.
3. Stonehenge.
4. New York City.  Specifically Central Park, Times Square, Empire State Building, Ground Zero, a Broadway show, the Met, Statue of Liberty, and the Museum of Natural History, among others.
5. Space Needle in Seattle.
6. Las Vegas. (I'm going in a few weeks as a 30th birthday treat!)
7. Eiffel Tower.
8. Golden Gate Bridge. And many other places in San Francisco including Fisherman's Wharf.
9. The pyramids and the Sphinx in Egypt.
10. Victoria Falls in Africa.
11. Niagara Falls.  Must ride the boat.
12. Pompeii.
13. Machu Picchu.
14. Taj Mahal.
15. Easter Island.
16. Northern Lights.  Yes, I amaware this is not a place, but it is something I really want to see.
17. Alaska.
18. Great Wall of China.
19. The Louvre.
20. Amazon rain forest.
21. Switzerland.  Real skiing.  Enough said.
22. The running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.
23. Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
24. Savannah, Georgia.  Paula Deen's restaurant!
25. Nashville, Tennessee.  Opryland is at the top of the list.
26. Australia.  Sydney Opera House, Great Barrier Reef.
27. The Maldives.  White sand beaches and clear blue water...and hotel rooms in the middle of the ocean!
28. Cabo San Lucas, Puerto Vallarta, or both.  Mexico is a great place.
29. Greece and Sicily.
30. London.  So many things to see.  Bridges, churches, etc.

Wonder how many of these places I'll get to go someday?  At least one!

More thirtysomethings.

Oops...I forgot about my "30" blog series.  Today, I have decided on "30 things I want to do before I die".  These are in no particular order except the order in which they came to mind...

1.  Visit Italy.
2.  Skydive.
3.  Get married.
4.  Have grandchildren.
5.  Get my master's degree.
6.  Have a job I truly love.
7.  Swim with sharks.
8.  Stand on the field at Yankee Stadium.
9.  Have at least one more child.
10. Ride along during a high speed police chase or in a racecar during a race.
11. Learn to shoot a gun.
12. Learn a new language.  My first two choices are Italian and American Sign Language.
13. Go on a cruise and watch the sun set over the ocean.
14. Stop smoking.
15. Invent something.
16. Publish a paper, article, etc., in a large publication.
17. Visit Australia.
18. Get out of debt and live comfortably.
19. Drive across the entire United States and see everything I can along the way.
20. Write a book.
21. Be in a movie.
22. Have someone fall madly in love with me.
23. Fix my relationship with God.
24. Be the president of something. 
25. Win something monetarily related, i.e. at a casino, the lottery, etc.
26. Learn to play an instrument again.  I prefer piano.
27. Wear a bathing suit with confidence.
28. Get several more tattoos.
29. Sing karaoke with confidence.
30. Bungee jump from a great height.

This is the best I can do for now...I may add to it as I think of things.

Thirtysomethings...accomplishments and joys.

I will be 30 years old in two months and three days.  As I begin the last phase of the "I'm turning 30 freak out", I can't help but think of all the things I thought I would have by now.  I recently read a blog post on stumbleupon.com (if you haven't seen this site, it is a must!) written by a young man who had just turned 25 and was trying to make himself feel better about it.  I couldn't help but laugh, because 25 seems so far behind me now, even though it was just five years ago.  He wrote that he thought the blog post would be depressing, but it turned out he had a lot to show for his quarter of a century on Earth.  I was inspired to write my own, to try to convince myself that maybe 30 isn't so bad; and that even though there are so many things I'd like to have, I need to remember to be thankful for the things I do have.  So here goes...I am going to try to write 30 things I have done and seen.  I think I will do a series of posts on this...one of 30 regrets, one of 30 things I'd like to do before I die, etc.  This one is 30 things I am proud to have done and seen in my life.

1.  I have seen the sun set over the beautiful San Fernando Valley in Mexico.
2.  I have flown on an airplane, twice, by myself.
3.  I have carried a life within my body and felt that life moving inside me.
4.  I have given birth to a beautiful, healthy child...even though there were times I wasn't sure I could do it.
5.  I've had a one night stand...more than once.
6.  I've been drunker than I ever thought humanly possible and insanely hungover the next day...but I lived through it, and learned my lesson the hard way.
7.  I bought a car all by myself, with no cosigner, and have never missed or been late on a payment.  I plan to pay the loan off early.
8.  I know how to cook pretty well, if I do say so myself...and I enjoy it.
9.  So far, I've never applied for a job that I didn't end up getting.  That may change soon, as I am in the application process now.
10. I potty trained myself at 18 months.  Yes, I know I don't remember it, but being the parent of a toddler makes me proud of myself for that and appreciate how easy my 18 month old self makes it look.
11. I've been camping and know how to set up a tent, start a fire, and cook dinner over it.
12. I made it through when the only guy I've ever loved left me...even though at times it felt like my entire world was in pieces at my feet.  My heart was broken, but I came out the other side stronger and smarter.
13. I know all the words to nearly every song Garth Brooks has ever sung.
14. I completed my alternative teaching certification and jumped into teaching with absolutely no experience.  So far I've made it through two years...I've made mistakes, but I'm still here.
15. I floated the Illinois River and had an amazing time.  I plan to go back as soon as possible.
16. I have come out of my shell and met new people.  I still don't have a lot of self-confidence, but that is for another post.
17. I have raised my son for almost four years all by myself.  I am the only parent he has:  financially, emotionally, and physically.  I'm not a perfect parent, but he knows he is loved and that I will always take care of him.
18. I have lived in three different cities.
19. I went to college and graduated...even though it took nearly ten years from start to finish.
20. I moved back in with my parents when my son was born.  To some, this may not be considered an accomplishment or a "good thing".  To me, it shows that I was responsible and mature enough to know that I needed help financially, emotionally, and physically.  My son has had a much better life with us living with my parents than I ever could have given him alone at that time.  Now that he is almost four years old, I am finally at a place where I can seriously consider moving out and giving him the same quality of life...well, close anyway.
21. I have made many friends, and been strong enough to know when some of them were not friends anymore.  It took a lot of courage to cut those people out of my life, but I am much happier without them than I ever was with them.
22. I have, several times, read over 100 books in the course of one calendar year.
23. I have been to the ocean.
24. I have been out of the United States...to only one country so far, but that will change.
25. I have sat in the back of a pickup until 4 a.m. watching a full lunar eclipse...possibly the only one I will ever see in my lifetime.
26. I have stayed up for more than 48 hours at a time.
27. I kissed a girl...and I liked it.  :)
28. I decided to go back to school and get my master's degree.  I start in the fall.
29. I made it to 29 years old.
30. I have an amazing family and equally amazing friends.  Each one of them has supported me through so many things.  They know I love them and they know how much they mean to me.  I read a quote once that something about being lucky if you can count your true friends on only one hand.  I have about four friends who love me unconditionally and would do anything for me...that's plenty for me.  The rest is just gravy.

T minus 10 days and counting...

Today is the 10th to last day of school.  Every hour I am reminded of how much I will NOT miss about this place.  I pray that these kids learn what it means to be courteous and respectful so they can go out into the world and be productive citizens when they leave high school.  There are so many of them who just have no idea how people should be treated.  Not just teachers, but any human being.  They expect privileges and nice things from me, but in return they don't listen to a word I say, or deliberately disobey my orders.  This I have trouble understanding.  From the time I was young, my parents instilled in me the importance of treating others as you would like to be treated.  Everybody's heard The Golden Rule, right?  So why do so many parents refuse to teach their children this these days?  Even the Bible says, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself."  I will be the first to admit I am not always a pro at following these rules, but I have never in my life treated anyone the way some of these students treat me.  It is appalling.  If I were ever to hear that my child had spoken to someone the way I have been spoken to here, he would not leave the house for a long time.  He would also not have any privileges like TV, phone, Internet, etc., for a very long time.  My parents would have been horrified had I ever spoken to anyone that way.  Kids these days are total pansies, and their parents let them get away with anything and everything.  They don't have curfews or punishments, they don't have to work for anything they have, and they are not taught to act like decent human beings.  I guess it's a generational thing.  I have several job prospects, and I hope and pray one of them pans out.  I don't think I will survive another year at this school.

Just another Monday

Foggy, misty, and a little chilly around here this morning.  I sure love it.  Starting testing with 7th graders today, then 8th graders tomorrow.  High school testing is next week.  Once that is over, the rest is all downhill.  Still trying to figure out what to do about jobs.  I desperately need some guidance as to where to go...

Bad spelling...bad habit.

In this day and age, with the Internet, smartphones, dictionaries, MP3 players, computers, etc., readily available to pretty much everyone, there is no excuse for bad spelling.  If you do not know how to spell a word, LOOK IT UP.  If you continually misuse the words your/you're, they're/their/there, passed/past, or one of a thousand other possibilities, LOOK IT UP.  Every time I read a blog post, facebook update, etc., with spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes, it makes me cry a little inside.  I don't for a minute believe that every person in the world is a super genius, but basic spelling and grammar are musts in today's world.  Kids need to stop expecting technology to do everything for them.  Someday I will meet my Prince Charming, and he will know how to spell and pronounce words, use correct grammar, and punctuate sentences correctly.  Be still, my geeky heart!

Crybaby

I have always loved this song, partly because it is catchy and I love oldies music, but also because I hate the stigmata attached to crying.  True or false:  People who cry are weak.  FALSE.  Babies cry because they want something and they cannot articulate that.  Children cry because they are hurt, or something happens that confuses them.  Why can't adults cry for the same reason?  There are so many different kinds of tears.  Sad tears, happy tears, mad tears, frustrated tears.  I am a hugely emotional person.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I cry at everything.  When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.  You know those heart-wrenching commercials designed by companies to tug at your heartstrings?  Yeah, I cry at those.  The season finale of Friends where everybody goes their separate ways?  Yep, cried at that.  The Notebook?  A whole box of tissue...for the book AND the movie.  It doesn't take much to loosen up my tear ducts.  Here's the one I hate the most:  When I get mad - like really, fiery mad - I cry.  I never have understood it, but it's kind of like I feel so lost and frustrated that I just cry.  I cry when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am mad, when I feel lost or at the end of my rope, when I am frustrated, when I receive bad news, when I see something heartwarming, etc., etc.  Why does this make me a weak person?  Yeah, I'm a fireball of emotions waiting to explode at any second.  So what?  Sometimes a good cry really makes everything better.  I hate to cry in front of other people, however; it is NOT pretty.  My face gets all red and splotchy, my eyes fill, my nose runs, and my makeup gets shot to hell.  Ever heard the phrase "ugly cry"?  Pretty sure that's named for me, 'cause let me tell you when I cry it is U-G-L-Y.  Sometimes, though, you just can't hold it back.  As blech as I may look afterward, I feel cleansed.  For a few minutes, it feels like the next cry is far off in the future.  I have cried so much at times it is a wonder my body has any tears left.  The thing I like so much about Lesley Gore's song is that even though it is about a spoiled little girl who is upset that her boyfriend has left with another girl, she is sending a message about crying.  "Hey, guess what?  This is my house and my party and if I want to cry, I will."  I think that should apply to the rest of life as well.  I should just say, "Hey, guess what?  I am really (insert emotion here) right now, and I am going to cry.  Deal with it."  Better stock up on the tissues.  This crybaby is here to stay. 

P.S. Just as I was wrapping this up, I was reminded of another "cry" song I love, so I'm adding it too.  Long live the great Janis Joplin.

What's in a word?

Did you ever notice how many different ways there are to say tired?  Weary...exhausted...pooped...sleepy...worn out...drained...dog tired...beat...spent...overtaxed...and so many more.  There are also so many different definitions of tired that it's enough to blow your mind.  There's the tired like sleepy, where you can't stop yawning and your eyes close as soon as your head hits the pillow.  There's body-tired, when your entire body aches and you can barely stand up because every muscle in your body is screaming at you to sit down.  There's exhausted tired, which to me is every kind of tired all rolled into one.  You can barely stay awake because you haven't had enough sleep lately, it feels like your whole body will turn to mush any second, and your brain is no longer functioning as it should be because of all the tiredness you are experiencing.  Here's what I have been wondering lately.  What's the best word to use when it isn't your body that is tired...it's your soul?  Have you ever experienced that?  These days, I feel soul tired...world weary...just plain achingly tired of nearly everything.  My soul feels like it could use a good long nap and a spa day.  I can barely make the smallest of decisions anymore for fear of making the wrong one.  I burst into tears for no reason at least once a day.  I, who used to be so proud of my stores of patience, have almost zero tolerance for anything even remotely annoying these days.  I have stopped doing so many things I used to love to do because I am just "too tired" to do anything.  The question is, how tired is "too tired"?  At what point do I finally say "ENOUGH!" and do whatever I have to do to figure out what is wrong with me?  I get headaches constantly, and I eat antacids like other people eat Skittles.  This tired carries over into my body and mind, but this time, a good nap is not the answer.  So what is?  If I can figure it out, maybe I can feel well-rested again for the first time in a long time.  Until then, I'll just carry a travel pillow in case I see the opportunity for a five minute catnap.  Zzzzzzzzz...

My brother the comedian...

Lyle's stand-up comedy routine at Bulldog Blitz at SWOSU last week.  Funny stuff!  So proud of that kid!  I am lucky to have him as a brother!

New beginning, or another disappointment?

Finished my application and turned it in today for an English job in Frederick.  Would love to not have to drive 11 miles one way to work every day!  Plus, Mason will be starting school so it will be so much easier.  Now I've done all I can do...we shall wait and see!  I have my fingers, toes, arms, legs, and eyes crossed!

TGIF

Watched my brother's stand-up comedy debut on Wednesday, and he nailed it!  He is the funniest person I know.  He didn't win, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.  He was still really good.  Going back to Weatherford tomorrow with Mason for Kids Fest 2011.  Games, prizes, food, etc.  Should be fun.  Still trying to wade through the master's degree thing and find the best option for me.  I've decided to apply to SWOSU and get the ball rolling on that.  Online school is still an option (I think) so I am just figuring it all out right now.  So far, it's a mess!  I am conflicted about going back to school.  On one hand, I hate school and was so ready for it to be over.  On the other, this will open up a whole new career path for me, and I will make more money.  So in the long run, I just need to suck it up and do it!  I just hope I don't suck at it!  Only a few more weekends until school is out for the summer.  TGIF!

The countdown

Counting today, there are 31 days of school left until summer vacation.  Be still, my heart!  There is so much to do in that time if I want to change jobs.  Planning to print the application today and fill it out by the end of the week for the job in Frederick.  Crossing my fingers, toes, arms, legs, and eyes.  We'll see what happens.  Also hoping to hear back today from an online school about qualifying for the master's degree in school counseling.  Not sure yet if I meet their prerequisites.  On a different note, my brother is making his stand-up comedy debut this Wednesday at the SWOSU talent show.  Super excited to see how that goes.  We are all driving up to watch.  Can't wait!

Career, schmareer

As I sit in my tiny classroom inside the tiny school where I teach, I cannot help but wonder if this is destined to be my life.  I am unhappy, frustrated, and insecure about my abilities.  For the past few months, I have been pondering a possible career change, or possibly just a new position in a new place.  Whether I can find a similar job somewhere else remains to be seen and whether I can even be successful teaching high school English anywhere stays an enigma; but I feel I need to try.  I am not one accustomed to failing things in life.  I am not ashamed to say I am a super genius when it comes to grammar, spelling, punctuation, literature, and most things English-related.  I do not think this makes me conceited, because I can admit that is the only area of life in which my super genius powers reveal themselves.  Give me an algebraic equation and I will break out in hives faster than you can say, "Where's the pi?"  Ask me to name the elements in the periodic table and you are likely to be on the floor fanning me as I keel over from sheer terror.  But English, this I can do.  I am a former spelling bee champion and straight A student; one of my high school English teachers saved a research paper I did and showed it to every class she had until she retired as a shining example of what a research paper should be.  The problem I have is this:  Just because I am good at something doesn't mean I can effectively teach it to someone else.  I just can't figure out if it is the school where I teach (I won't even go into all the problems I have here), the age of the students (drama, drama, DRAMA!), or just plain teaching in general.  Recently I read a book where one of the main characters was a school counselor, and for the first time in a long while, my juices were flowing and I was excited about something job-related!  Excellent book, by the way; it deserves a post all its own.  Today I have been researching, googling, reading, and texting to get as much info as I can about how I can move into school counseling.  Because it is a lateral move, I feel I can slide in pretty effortlessly and I already have quite a bit of experience with middle and high school aged kids.  I am stoked about a possible career move after so long dreaming and wishing.  Here goes nothing!

Resolutions left unattended

I started this blog last July as a way to write down the things I need to say so I can remember them later.  I always have something to say, as anyone who knows me will tell you.  Sometimes I am happy, sometimes sad, other times angry, and still other times I am confused.  This blog was supposed to be my way to vent, celebrate, rant, cry, and laugh all rolled into one.  However, I have not been a diligent blogger by any means and have not posted in nearly a year.  My New Year's resolution (yes, I know it is almost April, but I haven't quite gotten around to making a resolution yet) is to write at least one post a week.  Even if I only write a couple of sentences, or post a picture, I WILL write once a week, minimum.  I am the queen of procrastination, and for me, tomorrow is always a better day to do something than today.  Problem is, tomorrow turns into the next day and the day after that until whatever it is I was supposed to do has fallen by the wayside or been forgotten entirely.  This blog is a way for me to record my hopes, dreams, needs, wants, loves, laughs, tears, rants, joys, fears, and whatever else I need to get out.  I am too far into the habit of bottling things up, good or bad, and then later wondering why my feelings explode like a hand grenade.  This is a new beginning for me, or an ending to the old me, whichever may be true.  Maybe both, who knows?  Even if I am the only person in the universe who ever reads this, I believe it will make me feel better and show me things I need to see about myself.  Ta ta!