Career, schmareer

As I sit in my tiny classroom inside the tiny school where I teach, I cannot help but wonder if this is destined to be my life.  I am unhappy, frustrated, and insecure about my abilities.  For the past few months, I have been pondering a possible career change, or possibly just a new position in a new place.  Whether I can find a similar job somewhere else remains to be seen and whether I can even be successful teaching high school English anywhere stays an enigma; but I feel I need to try.  I am not one accustomed to failing things in life.  I am not ashamed to say I am a super genius when it comes to grammar, spelling, punctuation, literature, and most things English-related.  I do not think this makes me conceited, because I can admit that is the only area of life in which my super genius powers reveal themselves.  Give me an algebraic equation and I will break out in hives faster than you can say, "Where's the pi?"  Ask me to name the elements in the periodic table and you are likely to be on the floor fanning me as I keel over from sheer terror.  But English, this I can do.  I am a former spelling bee champion and straight A student; one of my high school English teachers saved a research paper I did and showed it to every class she had until she retired as a shining example of what a research paper should be.  The problem I have is this:  Just because I am good at something doesn't mean I can effectively teach it to someone else.  I just can't figure out if it is the school where I teach (I won't even go into all the problems I have here), the age of the students (drama, drama, DRAMA!), or just plain teaching in general.  Recently I read a book where one of the main characters was a school counselor, and for the first time in a long while, my juices were flowing and I was excited about something job-related!  Excellent book, by the way; it deserves a post all its own.  Today I have been researching, googling, reading, and texting to get as much info as I can about how I can move into school counseling.  Because it is a lateral move, I feel I can slide in pretty effortlessly and I already have quite a bit of experience with middle and high school aged kids.  I am stoked about a possible career move after so long dreaming and wishing.  Here goes nothing!

Resolutions left unattended

I started this blog last July as a way to write down the things I need to say so I can remember them later.  I always have something to say, as anyone who knows me will tell you.  Sometimes I am happy, sometimes sad, other times angry, and still other times I am confused.  This blog was supposed to be my way to vent, celebrate, rant, cry, and laugh all rolled into one.  However, I have not been a diligent blogger by any means and have not posted in nearly a year.  My New Year's resolution (yes, I know it is almost April, but I haven't quite gotten around to making a resolution yet) is to write at least one post a week.  Even if I only write a couple of sentences, or post a picture, I WILL write once a week, minimum.  I am the queen of procrastination, and for me, tomorrow is always a better day to do something than today.  Problem is, tomorrow turns into the next day and the day after that until whatever it is I was supposed to do has fallen by the wayside or been forgotten entirely.  This blog is a way for me to record my hopes, dreams, needs, wants, loves, laughs, tears, rants, joys, fears, and whatever else I need to get out.  I am too far into the habit of bottling things up, good or bad, and then later wondering why my feelings explode like a hand grenade.  This is a new beginning for me, or an ending to the old me, whichever may be true.  Maybe both, who knows?  Even if I am the only person in the universe who ever reads this, I believe it will make me feel better and show me things I need to see about myself.  Ta ta!